The life after.

Life after the miscarriage I just had is really difficult.

Colleagues kept on asking how I was, in which I would respond with a fake OK, frequent headaches, schoolwork, hospital asking me to go back for tests, feeling of desolation and isolation where I don't really feel like talking or hanging out with others, laughter in one minute and tears in another, and many other things have been pushing me deeper in dark hole of sorrow and misery. People tell me that things will get better. Yes, I know that, and I'm trying really hard to convince myself that, but 50% of me says 'Yes, totally!' and another 50% says 'No, don't keep hopes too high' and so many 'What ifs'.

This is very to deal with, especially alone. I drive, I go to school, I watch TV, I play mobile games but my mind wonders elsewhere. I see double lines on pregnancy tests in all the TTC groups in Facebook that I join in, pregnant ladies and babies, and my heart saddens. I think I'm going insane.

Anyway, here I just want to share my new favourite number from Sam Smith, which gets me crying whenever I listen to this:












I wish I could just.... disappear 😢

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